A new lover and coming out

This comes in waves...the desire to experience blindness. It's been a few months since the last time I wrote some stories and had strong desires. But it's back again.

I have a new lover who seems interested in playing with some sensory control/deprivation. I was delighted when the first time we were making out on his couch (on our second date) he pressed his hand over my eyes. I jumped, so surprised, and he pulled his hand away, concerned that it was too much or inappropriate. By the end of the evening he'd learned that I liked it. A lot.

We have a date tomorrow night and we've agreed to play with some blindfolds, gags, and maybe even some earplugs. I'm not sure what's going to happen but I've barely been able to stop thinking about it.

Do I tell him? How much do I share? Can I get over the shame and embarrassment I still hold around blindsimming? Maybe.

Probably.

I think he'll be receptive. And most likely even supportive. Because he seems to be that sort of person.

It can be excruciating. This coming out again and again. It's simpler to stay at home, to take a shower blind, or fold my clean clothes, or fix a cup of tea, and interact with other people on the web with whom I share some interest. But I want real people, real relationships, real sex.

Why does it feel so wrong when it feels so good to do it? I hold so much fear, and yet I yearn to talk about with other people. Is it some effect of my Catholic upbringing to feel guilt about pleasure? Is it because I've never actually met someone in person who feels like I do? Is it because I'm conditioned to keep secret? Can I ever move from secret to private?

One lover at a time. It gets easier.